May 9, 2020
When I tell you that I had nightmare after nightmare about everything going wrong at our wedding, please believe me. From forgetting to write my vows to not being able to find my wedding gown, my mind thought of everything under the sun that could go wrong. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t think that my anxiousness was actually cold feet. With about two months before our wedding, I was finally able to get my racing thoughts under control and it was by doing simple things that I am totally kicking myself in the ass for not doing it sooner.
I didn’t realize how much talking through my fears actually helped. It helped because once I was able to talk about it and hear the actual words I was saying, I was able to realize how irrational my fears were. No one was going to let me forget to write my vows, and yes wedding gown mishaps happen but I live to tell the tale that mine never went missing. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone, write it out and then read it back to yourself. Stop letting the power of “what if” control your right now.
I know that this is so much easier said than done but give it up girlfriend! There are so many reasons for this one. I decided to give it up because I knew that there were going to be things that happened which were just down right out of my control. We were getting married outside in a public park in Charleston, South Carolina smack in the middle of hurricane season. Rain and humidity were almost inevitable. Oh yeah, and that public park happened to turn into an unleashed DOG park after 5pm which we found out on the evening before our wedding.
Guess what? It didn’t rain, we didn’t sweat and the black and white collie that ran up to us as we were taking photos after our ceremony was pure perfection.
Confession time : I snuck Zach Trojan-horse style into my bridal shower. Well… kind of. Zach was sent to help set-up for the shower and he just never left. It was perfect. It felt good having him there. Personally, I felt that a lot of the anxiety I was feeling around our wedding day was because everything was going to be all about Zach and I. Attention makes me uncomfortable which makes me anxious. I was dreading all the great things I was supposed to be looking forward to like my bridal shower. I hated that I wasn’t involved in the planning because yes I am a total control freak and I really hated that other people were going out of their way to do something nice for me. Some of that unwanted attention got placed on Zach too which balanced out the day, and I am so thankful for that. Even though tradition says different, you do you boo. You most definitely don’t have to do something just because it is the norm. Repeat after me, “its your wedding and you don’t have to do a thing that you don’t want to”.
This part sucks, but I promise it is so very important. You really need to search within yourself to figure out where all of the anxiety is coming from. As you know, I was really anxious about having all eyes on me. At the end of the day, I was lacking self-confidence. Even though I thought I had picked out the most stunning Maggie Soterro, there was no designer in the world that was going to make me happy with myself. Maybe this is something that resonates with you too! Talk to your photographer if you are someone that struggles with self-confidence. I was so thankful that our photographer was not only freaking talented as hell but she became a dear friend by the time our wedding day came around. I didn’t realize that my photographer was going to be my biggest hype man and holy shit I am so thankful for her.
It doesn’t have to look like it does in the movies. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Sometimes, meditation is me sitting on my couch with my eyes closed, petting my dog for five minutes. I know how often we hear the word mindfulness and we dismiss it because we’re not too sure what it looks or feels like. Go for a walk and leave your phone at home. You will be amazed at the sounds you hear and the things you see just by being mindful of your surroundings instead of worrying about the phone in your pocket. Practicing this leading up to your wedding day will only help make you better at it, and I promise it will help not only then but everyday after.
Sometimes I think we can forget that a wedding day is simply just that, a day. It is a 24 hour period of time that comes and goes so much faster than you want it to. You are marrying your best friend and absolute soul mate on this day and there is not one thing that can take that away from you, not even your anxiety.
I am far from all knowing, but I wanted to share with you some things that I learned in the few months that led up to mine and Zach’s wedding day. Some of these things I wish I would have realized the day we got engaged and I am so happy I got to share them with you!